Woodies Hockey

11/3/05 KO'd by K2 Woodies OK

In a squeaker that came down to the last few seconds, the Woodies finally succumbed 8-1 to K2.  "We were A-OK well into the first 3 or 4 minutes of period 1," said game MVP Ethan Shaw, explaining that at that point the Woodies were almost in the lead at 0-0. 

In separate news, local cable television executives plan to air Woodies game films during prime 3:00 AM programming slots, replacing the action packed series Desperate Cost Accountants.

10/27/05Woodies File Protest

The Woodies filed a formal protest today against unfair practices employed by their competitors in the UAHL.  "How are we supposed to compete when the teams we play use these kind of outrageous techniques?" asked forward Bill Stack.  The charges include, among other atrocities, repeatedly passing the puck to players on their own team, shooting the puck into our net instead of at our goalie, and getting in our way when we skate with the puck.  Stack described the Woodies' reluctance to "rock the boat", but added, "Somebody has to speak up."  A Noname who chose to remain unidentified alluded to a "limp performance" by the Woodies and dismissed the charges as " premature accusation."

In other team news, the Woodies launched a new player morale program dubbed Pursoot of Exelens .

10/20/05This Is Our House!

The Woodies aggressively reclaimed their prime real estate in the basement, bumping the disconsolate Wise Guys out of the position.  "This is OUR basement!" asserted Jay Mead.  "Nobody takes away OUR basement!"  League standings now show the Woodies as the team to beat.  Everyone has so far.

10/13/05Top Secret Plan Working

The Woodies' clandestine stealth plan to raise the competition's sense of security took a giant leap forward tonight as they came in second in a 7 to 1 game against Off the Green.  "Right where we want them," commented ace forward Greg Labella.  "There's nothing like giving up 6 goals in the first period to create a sense of over-confidence for the other guys."  Game highlights (captured on local cable TV) included so-called "defenseman" John Chester being responsible for a hat-trick, which he said "would have been even better if it were a hat-trick for our team."

Appreciative fans promote the team motto

10/6/05Practically a Victory

In front of a sellout crowd of 000,004, the Woodies crushed the Northstars, last year's team to beat.  "Crushed" may be a slight overstatement, as the score was 3-1 with the Northstars getting the 3.  If this had been golf, however, the Woodies' lower score would have prevailed.  Among highlights too numerous to mention, this night's Oscar goes to Don "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up" Seville for drawing two penalties.

10/5/05 Getting Up for the Season

The Woodies plan to build on the success of last season’s 3-24 win-loss record. “No matter how good you are, there’s always room for improvement,” said wing Steve Drebber. Some of the aggressive objectives include clearing the puck out of the defensive zone at least once each period, and completing two successive passes in a row. The team also hopes to transfer their solid forechecking and offensive penetration from the barroom onto the ice.